Just over a week.
So I have gone just over a week without a cigarette. My plan to blog about it every day was overshadowed by the fact that at first I couldn’t string a sentence together, followed by a very dark mood, which, if everything I read on the internet is to be believed, is completely normal. I have been sleeping extremely poorly. The kind of poorly that sees you have constant vivid dreams, and the kind of dreams that you wake from with a start, and when you finally fall back to sleep you go straight back into the same dream. It’s bizarre.
I read somewhere that you can train your brain as you fall asleep to be aware that you are dreaming, and somehow have control of your dream. This sounds pretty cool, however, I’m too tired to try it and I’m exhausted from training my brain to not think about smoking...
I have a profound need not to think about smoking. I have actually began to start the mornings with my first thought not being about inhaling a cigarette, So when the thought eventually enters my mind, I need to distract myself with something, other than reliving every craving in blog post form.
I am still eating. Everything. I really am going to have to rein it in a bit, I don’t really want to replace nicotine with cake, but whatever. Pass the butter, a twitter mate suggested that I should brush my teeth whenever I feel the need to smoke, it was a good suggestion, and it is helping with both the not smoking and the eating. Everything tastes like ass after toothpaste.
The quit smoking aids are believe it or not, actually aiding with the cravings and subsequent quitting of the smoking. It is important not to underestimate how much they are actually helping, and get lulled into a false sense of security. I forgot to put a new patch on in a timely manner, and the rest of the day was... how do I put it. More difficult than need be. Let’s leave it at that.
Man I have been so mad. Like madder than usual, it is subsiding but so many things made me unnecessarily angry this past week.
As it is Friday, my favourite day on the calendar ALL YEAR ROUND, I am going to relive some of that anger, note a few amusing thoughts I had, have a bit of reflection time as to just how much of a bitch I really am.. Purge it and move on.
Things that have fucked me off, this past week.
1. Evangelistic ex-smokers and crusading non-smokers.
You are not helping. Please, for the love of mankind... Shut your sound hole. I can pretty much guarantee, that not one person EVER gave up smoking on account of your disappointing look, preachy sermon or a faux dramatic cough accompanied by flamboyant hand fanning. Just… Don’t OK. You look like a fuckwitt, and No one cares.
2. The end of School term classroom clean out, somehow becoming a pain in my asshole.
I really don’t need to see every bit of paper that came into contact with my child’s HB for the entire year.
I mean, don’t get me wrong, I enjoy keeping a few things my child made during the school year, a few sentimental pieces of art, and perhaps a few exceptional stories or outstanding maths sheets, you know.. The good stuff that reminds me of what a brilliant child I made. I don’t need every sheet of word bingo, spelling practice sheets or picture of a 4D shape made of cubes that are half coloured in. That’s what recycling bins are for, and I did happen to notice that the schools recycling bin is a fair bit larger than mine... just saying.
3. The new neighbours did not respond to my card, whilst I am feeling slightly rejected, I’m willing to give them more time, I mean, they may not have got around to it, or they may not even celebrate Christmas, and I may have offended them further by giving them a Christmas card.. Or worst case scenario, they may be Dull dickheads, and may have not understood my humour, in which case we were never going to be friends anyway... and they’d better not EVER ask me to put their bins out when they go on holidays.. Unless they go on holidays at the end of school term, and I can use their recycling bin.
4. People who complain about other people taking selfies make me want to burn things. I have the following things to ask these selfie hating people.
Does it physically affect you when someone else takes a photo of themselves? Are you Sad that no one is taking a photo of you? Did you stop and think that someone might feel particularly nice and want to document that moment? WHAT the actual fuck is wrong with you? When was the last time you had a root?
So that’s it. Giving up smoking, the first week.
It’s selfish, crazy, entitled, angry and necessary.