Yer Mum dot com: Mind Your Mum.: My Kids have NO idea how good they have it..

I used to look forward to going out without my children, because it was nice not to have to bother with car seats, I could walk as fast as I wanted and the possibility of alcohol.

Now I enjoy going out without my children, because it lessens the chance of them slandering my good name.

It started two terms ago after the teens half yearly report contained a lot of;

‘The Teens result would have been much more pleasing had he taken more care slash actually handed in his assessment task.’

I take this personally OK? MY kid means MY Fault.
The above phrase in a school report, is translated by the parent- You did not ensure your child did their homework you negligent monster. and I didn’t. Primarily, because he has been capable of homeworking independently for quite some time, and before this report, I had no idea it was a problem. It had never been a problem.

Luckily for me, he has since acquired himself a girlfriend and things have improved in this department, I don’t even want to think about what happens when they break up..
I’m currently treated to the ambient sound of muffled and very annoying Skype conversation. Things appear currently, to be peachy.
For the time being, I’ll take it.

After making a few enquiries into why this was the first I was hearing about this, I am now in constant email contact with his teachers, this is how I found out that the teen had informed his History teacher that he had no access to the internet at home that is why he had handed in his assignment late.

Once I had recovered from the near faint at the thought, I replied to his teacher, that although he was currently banned from the internet at home, for punching his little brother in the back. The teen failed to inform him that it was made very clear that the ban did not extend to homework use and was not imposed ALL YEAR. I went on to say that perhaps the computer, with internet access in his bedroom was faulty and I would rectify the problem immediately, beginning with moving it back into the lounge room. Which is what I did next, hence the annoying Skype conversation ambience

WHERE DID MY LITTLE BOY GO?!?!

More recently, my moderately crap parenting was made out to be far worse than it actually was, when I arrived at the school to drop the lunchbox Mr eight had forgotten that morning. I had suspected that the forgotten lunch box was part of the greater ploy to get me come and pick him up. Or maybe he just wanted to know I would be popping in. He can be an anxious little kid, and he does things like that. He had also tried all week to try and get out of school by insisting he wear his stripy jacket and not his school jacket.

Whatever kid, I pick my battles. I figured he would give up when the uniform police caught up to him at school, and it would be lesson learned.

I would get in trouble for not having the correct uniform, only my parents provided me with an incorrect uniform on purpose, and if needed, my mother would march into the top office to lecture the offending homeroom teacher about, Conformist bull shit -this, and stifling individuality to repress spirit nourishment and individuality blah blah, you cannot demand respect and compliance-that.

You’d think the kid would be grateful I don’t do that, but no, my child has NO idea how good he has it sadly, because when I dropped off his lunch, his teacher came out to ask me if I required any assistance in getting Ryan a new school jacket, as Ryan had been wearing a non-school uniform, striped jacket for going on three weeks now, and it was important that the whole class look like they belong…. In matching uniform.

Mr 8 apparently told his school teacher, that he was wearing his stripy jacket because he had lost his School Jacket and I hadn’t got him a new one yet, thus avoiding punishment for incorrect uniform AND doing whatever he pleases.

I calmly told his teacher, that his School Jacket was not lost, it was in his school bag, I told her that it was very necessary to pick my morning battles with Mr Liar liar pants on fire, and Jackets were not going to be one of them, that some days I have to convince him that he is safe from a tsunami at school, several times, just to get him in the car. I stifled the urge to give her a little bit of a conformist rant, but I bit my tongue instead like a normal person.

THEN!

Yesterday, I took the car through the car wash. Miss three was so affected by the experience, that she proceeded to tell everyone we encountered at the shop stop on the way home, that our car was soooo clean.

She was desperately happy about this, to the point that I think strangers became concerned that she was previously breaking open spider webs and hacking through solid dust with a machete to get in the car.
Ms three went on to add that the inside was not clean, but the outside!!! The outside was sparkling!!

Those who stayed around for more than a smile and a nod got a bonus track "Our orphaned puppy died. He stopped breathing and he died.
I suspect that her feelings about the car wash were mixed.

I didn’t care to explain myself this time, I just smiled and mouthed CLEAN excitedly along with her, People were actively avoiding us after that

I Just…The Judgment!!! I ..... I don’t even want to talk about it any more.

Meanwhile, I found this…

My kids have NO idea, just. how. good. they have it.