Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Kitty offends child bearing pussy, and someone got smacked in the face with an iron.

So Kitty Flanagan wrote some parenting advice, and horror of all horror’s she doesn’t have any children. Cue hysterical online stampede of the perpetually offended, I mean how dare a comedian say something offensive to you.


Am I the only one that found her column amusing?  I mean, it was inflammatory, yes, and I think we all growing tired of the game in which someone pokes at the parenting hornet’s nest, and then  sits back in delighted amusement, rubbing their hands in glee as we all buzz around defending our rights to be fucking offended by everything while the clicks roll in, but it works yes? *Rolls eyes till I almost have a fucking seizure.

I could be missing the point entirely of her column, it wouldn’t be the first time, but from what I read, I saw nothing other than an amusing, tongue in cheek post, filled with the opinions and childhood experience of someone who is looking in on the parenting world from an outsiders perspective.  And that’s the whole problem isn’t it. How dare Kitty Flanagan have an opinion on parenting when she isn’t one!?

I’m sorry, but why not?

I have an opinion on politics and I really know very little about it. I have an opinion on the thermo-mix and I don’t own one. I have opinions on racism and homophobia and I have never been a different race and I only ever had that one mildly disappointing, curious lesbian experience. I have pretty strong opinions, and occasional impure thoughts about Channing Tatum and Adam Levine and I don’t know them personally, nor do I have a penis. Although if I did, I’m pretty sure it would be average sized and awesome.

I summoned all of my opinions regarding Ed Sheeran from three live shows and the fact that he made eye contact with me seven times, and his mum sent me a bracelet?

Yes. I am that sad, and Ed Sheeran is THAT fucking fabulous, shut your mouth!

Personal experience aside, I still feel I am entitled to those opinions. 

People are free to disagree and don’t worry, they do! I don’t always like it... I mean, the one about me being an illiterate and entitled bitch did smart a little.

 Then I remembered… I am fucking fabulous and all was right in the world again. But you can stick a cacti  REALLY far up your clack, if you feel I am not entitled to those opinions at all, just because I don’t understand our political system in it’s entirety, or that I am a dirty pervert, or that I am too pov to fork out thousands of dollars for a thermos mix. Hell, people can even have an opinion on what I do, even if they are grossly misinformed and mean!

Illiterate?? REALLY?

Do you know what was happening when women were charging around with their pitchforks and best indignant “How- fucking -dare you” facial expressions pointed squarely at a woman who merley shared a humerous 850 words in her column?

This happened.

Dear, sweet, sweet love of  Penny Wong.. THIS HAPPENED!!

Image Source http://www.advertolog.com/tefal/print-outdoor/kitchen-19980955/

I held my head in my hands, and I threw my hands to the heavens. “Dear god” I groaned, and I shook my head in the general direction of Tefal and their associated advertising agency, and I kissed my daughters face.
Respect your clothes women!
Violence against women is the leading cause of death for Australian women aged 15-55 in this country, it’s so common that we can all laugh about it and use it to advertise an appliance no one uses any more... By no one I mean me. (Speaking of which, does anyone know where my iron is? I can’t find it) And yet we are more offended that a woman had an opinion on parenting without experiencing it first hand, than we were that an advertising agency felt it fitting to use violence against women to flog a symbol of female oppression. (To be fair, I should add that they also included a picture of a man getting kicked in the face)

Because put violence against a man in there and no one can whinge about the domestic violence aspect.. *Snorts, *Scratches balls. 

*Punches myself in the face.

Imagine if we saved being perpetually offended about the shit that matters to all women. Try uniting as a gender instead of segregating yourselves into parents and non -parents, and competing for whose opinion is more valid, or entitled, because sweetheart,  the fact that you even have a vagina in this country limits you. If we are going to give worth to that vagina based on whether a child came from it or not we are going to be in some serious trouble.


Man...I did say I was going to try and drop a few less F bombs on my blog this year.. Damn.